Alex has had a rough time lately, not sure what is going on. He refuses to do anything I ask him to do, and purposely does everything I ask him not to do. When I finally get him to use the bathroom after minutes of arguing, he sits on the toilet and says, "fine, I'm sitting here in the bathroom, but I am not going to go." The dog has been taking turns sleeping in the kids room and when he is in one of the girls rooms, Alex will go in and wake them up. He says it is because he wants to take the dog out so it doesn't pee in the house, but when he wakes up at 5, no one, not even the dog wants to get up. I have told him to wait until the dog gets up on his own and he can take him outside then, but I still find myself arguing with him way too early in the day.

This morning I sent him to his room for waking Olivia up by peeling off all of her covers to get to the dog, and asked him to stay in there quietly and think about following the rules. As I am downstairs pouring my first cup of coffee, he enters the kitchen dressed in some crazy outfit. He has about 3 pairs of shorts on, 2 shirts, a sweater, tie, and hooded sweatshirt on top of that, with a baseball hat on backwards. He tells me he is "Bat Boy" and he is here to save the town from bad things. He says the dog is "Bat Dog" and has to stay with him to help. I asked him if he had remembered why he had to go to his room and he said yes, but he didn't have time to talk about it, he was a superhero and had to get to work.

His little charade got us through the morning, but when it came time to get on the bus, more trouble. His regular driver, who he adores, is away for the next two days at a wedding and Alex has a sub driver. He still has a hard time with change in his routine, and he started saying he isn't going to school, he isn't getting on the bus, he doesn't like the driver, etc. It took quite some time to convince him to try the new driver, but he finally agreed to get on the bus and go to school. The deal was that instead of working for one reinforcer at the end of the day, he got to pick two today. Whatever works! Not even 5 minutes later I hear honking in the driveway and look out to see the bus back. Major panic attack hits as I run outside. Well it seems he told the driver he had to go the bathroom so badly he couldn't hold it until they got to school. So she turned around and told him he could go at home. Soooo, of course I go to unbuckle him and he has the biggest smile on his face,"Hey mom!" I followed him inside and he told me he needed privacy so he shuts the door and comes back out again about 5 seconds later. "Did you really go? Did you even have to go?" He just smiled and said,"Not really." And this is just Alex testing the waters and showing everyone who really runs the show......poor driver.

Alex had a pretty tough weekend, not a lot of listening and too much physical behavior. We had plans to go to a fall festival on Saturday with friends and because of his behavior (did not listen to anything I asked him to do or not do, scratched Olivia and pulled her hair, and pushed and hit Bella) I told him he couldn't go with us. I am usually horrible at follow through with my kids - I admit it - I will tell them they can't do something or take something away and just play the stupid card and let them join in with family movie night, or going to a party, etc. because I want to enjoy time with them. I don't do it all the time, but definitely too much. And so I vowed to change my ways, knowing that it will be beneficial for everyone, and started with Alex on Saturday.

Talk about breaking my heart - he cried and cried, promised to be good, etc. I wanted so badly to say ok, one more chance, you can come, but I stayed strong. He did not get to come, he stayed home with Dad and I hope he learned a little something.

Olivia, Bella and Alex decided to put on a Halloween skit for us last night, and it was soooo cute! What made me happiest was seeing them all working together, having fun, and especially seeing Alex enjoying being included and loving it. He was "lighting technician" and the neighbor they came trick-or-treating to. After the play was over they wanted to make lists of the costumes they were thinking of dressing up in. The girls had about 10 on their lists, Alex, had about 30. I was impressed with some of the ideas he came up with, but narrowing it down is going to be tough. His idea was that he could be all of them - he would wear them all on top of each other and at each house he would take one costume off, that way he would have a different costume for every trick-0r-treat he would say. He pretty much has an answer for everything.........

Alex was scheduled for some procedures at the hospital today, endoscopy, colonoscopy, biopsy, etc. but we had to cancel due to a bad cold. Mixed feelings on that one - I am glad to skip it for obvious reasons, but also hate putting it off and not just getting it over with. He was soooooo happy he didn't have to go. We just can't put him under if he has any respiratory issues at all. Rescheduled for early December, and won't talk about it with him until then.

So we are still debating on a name for the new puppy, and decided to have a family vote. Alex decided he was going to make a big list of names for us to choose from so he dictated and I wrote. Some of the cute ones he picked were, Meatball, Porkchop, Spongebob, Taco, and Cosi. He really likes Zappy and would be fine not changing it, but the rest of us agree he needs a new name. He has been great about taking him outside and walking him, feeding him, etc. He actually gives him a little speech before he leaves for school, " Now, be a good boy and go the bathroom outside for mommy. Don't pee in my room and I will give you a treat when I get home." Of course he still acts like a chicken once he is on the bus so I have no idea what he is trying to say after that, but it is really cute.

So we gave in and got another dog yesterday! We had two Boxers and both passed away which was pretty devastating for the kids. They have been asking for a new dog for a while but just recently began actively searching. It happened so fast and we ended up finding an 11 month old Boston Terrier - kind of a compromise since I really wanted another Boxer (great dogs) but the kids wanted something a bit smaller. The kids are totally in love, especially Alex, and the puppy seems to love them all back already. Hopefully this is not the honeymoon and they will lose interest in helping care for him - who am I kidding??!! He has been great so far, we are just working on a new name for him. The woman who had to give him up named him Zappy which we want to change but haven't come up with anything yet. Any suggestions?

Olivia has been asking me all week to take her for a jog or power walk, she really wants to get in shape to run in the Thanksgiving Day road race. I decided today would be a good day to start, Saturday, nice weather, not a lot of plans, etc...Well, as soon as the other kids found out we were going they begged for what seemed like hours to join us. Normally it would be great, but my plan was to drop my mom's car off at her house for her (it has been here since I drove her to the airport earlier this week) and walk/jog home which is probably just under 3 miles. I have been trying really hard lately to get in better shape so I was looking forward to the exercise.



Olivia then asked a friend to join us so my plan was to drive with the kids, Olivia, Hannah, Bella and Alex, to park mom's car, then have my husband follow us there so he could drive whoever changed their minds home. I thought for sure Alex would get to the end of mom's street and say his knees were hurting and jump in the truck with Dad to go home. Actually, I was secretly hoping for this so I could kill two birds with one stone - get my exercise in and give Olivia the exercise she wanted. Well, surprisingly all the kids started out strong and kept going. Doc (my husband) followed behind us in the truck in case Alex dropped out. Long story short, Alex did get in the truck a few times, but wouldn't let Doc drive home - he would rest for a couple of minutes then hop back out and want to walk/jog with us again. Now I was starting to get irritated. I wasn't getting much exercise having to keep a slow pace with him and the girls were getting farther and farther ahead of me on a fairly busy street. I started telling Alex he needed to get in the truck and meet us at home, that it wasn't safe for me to not be close to the girls, he was going to slow, etc., and he looked at me and said,"I'm doing my best mom." Ouch - that made me feel like a great mom.

Alex began losing steam but was showing no sign of getting back in the truck so Doc and I forced him to, feeling it was best for everyone. He was crying so hard that I couldn't do it - I told him to join us again and told Doc to just drive home, I would deal with it. Alex gets out of the truck, wipes his eyes, grabs my hand and says,"Thanks mom, thanks for giving me another chance. I promise I won't complain." Double ouch - felt like the worst mom ever. Yes I was aggravated that I couldn't have some girl time with Liv and Bella that they desperately need, and yes I was mad that my exercise time flopped, but I wasn't mad at Alex. How could I be? He wants so badly to fit in and be a part of everyday life with us and sometimes he seems like such a typical kid to me that I forget he does have limitations. But he tried so hard, and you know what? He didn't complain the rest of the way, not once. I was proud of him.

We were walking out to the bus this morning, talking about how we were going to decorate for Halloween when he got home if he had a great day, and all of a sudden he started acting like a chicken. No really, he started flapping his arms like wings and going"bawk, bawk, bawk,." Totally out of the blue, and when he gets on the bus his driver, who always thinks he is hysterical ,starts laughing which only makes his chicken actions stronger. I tried asking him a question and got a "bawk" for an answer. He then stood up from the seat I was trying to buckle him into and started doing the chicken dance. The driver laughed harder and Alex said,"See, he thinks I am so funny!" No matter what I said to him he bawked at me and then told me," mom, I am answering you in chicken words." Good luck to his teachers today!!

I had a rough start to the day, most of it stemming from some sad news and like all parents, tried really hard to hide it from the kids as I got them ready for school. The girls were gone, on the bus to school and it was just me and Alex home. I didn't realize he was behind me and let myself go for a minute, crying, but quietly. The next thing I heard was his voice, talking to himself, "Oh no, mommy is sad, she needs a hug." And before I could turn around he was there, hugging me, telling me I am the best mommy ever and to please stop crying. "Why are you sad? I want you to be happy. Here, I will kiss you too, I know THAT will make you happy" And it did. His sincere desire to help me fell better melted me. As we walked out to his bus he said, "No more crying all day, ok? Just be happy. I am going to ask you when I get home if you cried and I hope you say no!" Oh he can be so sweet I just want to eat him up. Then of course in the next minute he is telling his bus driver that mommy was crying and he didn't know why."Ask her, ask her why she is crying, C'mon, don't you want to know?" Ok, not so cute anymore. Closed that bus door pretty quickly!

I had to get up at 4 in the morning to drive my mom to the airport, and Alex was up most of the night coughing then up from the time I left at 4:30. Point being he was VERY tired when he got home from school and just wanted to lay on the couch and watch a little tv. This actually worked out well because I had a bunch of kids over playing outside and I could keep an eye on them while making dinner. Did I actually think it would last? In the middle of peeling potatoes I called his name a couple times with no response. I panicked, knowing how unpredictable he can be when he is over tired, and as I went to drop everything and run outside I sliced my thumb open.

He was outside and wanted to join in the game, which is great, but he broke the rule AGAIN about going outside without telling an adult. So when he plays capture the flag, I play capture the flag - it's the whole one step behind him thing. He gets really annoyed with me when I do this - he actually yelled at me, "stop following me around mom!" Ugh, leave me alone with my friends!" I fell bad having to do this, especially when he does great, but it is always the one minute I let my guard down that he does something unacceptable and usually not so nice, whether intentional or not.

Like the other day when I was at my friend Shayna's house and he wanted to see the dogs which were purposely left in the fenced in backyard because one of them has a tendency to run away when she gets loose. He really wanted to see and pet them so he did what he wanted to do and opened the gate. Well, she got loose and ran away which caused chaos and embarrassment for me.

My finger ended up bleeding for almost an hour and still hurts today. I'll just add it to my long list of war wounds!

My mom makes food once a month that a group through her church brings to a soup kitchen and feeds the hungry/homeless. Alex was over her house when she was cooking one of these meals and asked her about it. She explained how the process works and why she was doing it and he seemed content with her answers and moved on. Later that night he came to me begging to make brownies, and I thought he was saying he was starving and wanted them now. I had just made a big dinner and dessert for family that night and did not want to start baking again, definitely not at his bed time. But he wasn't saying he was starving, he was saying there are people that are starving and need food to eat. He told me that brownies are the one thing he knows how to make really well and he needed to make them and bring them to church so they could bring it to the hungry people. I totally melted and of course, made the brownies with him. Now he wants to go and serve the food at the shelter. How sweet is he? Again, it's these moments that I hold close......

I was soooo proud of Alex on Sunday. We went to open house at the fire station in town with Auntie Ally, Tucker and Mason. Alex was so grown up about getting into the trucks, and going on a tour of the firehouse. He asked the firemen such great questions and on the way out thanked them and said, " this place is really interesting!" He got a hat and a badge and told them we had smoke alarms in our house, he told them that sometimes they go off and the fireman asked if it was mom's cooking that set them off and he just laughed. He left without giving me any problems and the rest of the afternoon was great. Thoughts of this day will stay with me for a while, I love great family days, so good for everyone!

Most days are interesting in our house, some days we ease into things, some days they are interesting from the minute we get out of bed - like today. For some reason Alex decided to pretend his entire body was hurt and put band aids all over himself - arms, legs, feet, nose. He also wrapped an ace bandage around his head, one around each leg, a big one around his chest, and one around his wrist. He was moving so slowly, I guess pretending that it hurt to move, and brought one of our play doctor kits down stairs which he then emptied all over the family room. So at 6 a.m. he had trashed the bathroom, his room and part of the family room. Chaos overload for me before my first cup of coffee.

I asked him what made him play that this morning and he said he had watched something at school where someone had gotten hurt in a few places and he wanted to see what he would look like if he got hurt that much too. In the big picture, it kind of makes sense, in my little picture where I have 3 kids to get ready for the bus, drive my husband to work (our truck is in the shop) and make a Dr. appt. by 9:30, not so much sense.

I was talking to my friend Noelle yesterday who has a daughter with Downs in middle school, and after she spent her weekend and part of the week at the hospital with her daughter, she said, "there is never a dull moment, it's always something with our kids." And it is, good, bad, funny, not so funny, heartbreaking, but never dull..........

Olivia, 9 years old, is having a really tough time with Alex lately. Liv and Alex are only a year apart, and have always been close, she has taught him so much and been so patient and compassionate with him. But as she becomes more aware of herself, others, and relationships between people she is becoming more critical of him. She is noticing people stare at Alex, sometimes making comments or asking questions, getting annoyed by his behavior (especially in public), and not wanting to spend time with him. As she grows and tries to work on her own changes, she is less patient with his. She has openly said she wishes she could have a normal brother, why does he have to be this way, she doesn't like him anymore, etc.

This coming from the girl who wouldn't think twice about seeing another child with special needs, and would tell her friends not to stare. This coming from the girl who would tell other kids that asked what was wrong with Alex and say they didn't want to get near him to catch what they had, would stand tall and explain that he was born this way, you could not catch anything from him (sometimes throwing a stupid in there) and that he was just a boy who learned a bit differently than we did. I'm sad. I am sad for her, to be going through this, although I know it is a normal part of family life when you have a child with special needs, it is a burden that I don't want for my girls. I am sad that Alex hears her and feels her anger and has cried because his best friend isn't there for him anymore. I have read all the books, listened to doctors, I know how this works, but like anything, real life situations are so different than situations on paper. The heart is a miraculous organ, what a beating it can take and yet still carries on. Alex is 10 years old, and some days I still wonder how I got to this place, how this is the road I am on. Most days I don't let myself think too much about it, I am so busy with other things, today is not one of those days.........