I had bought a gift, wrapped it, and put in on the desk in our office. I wanted to deliver it today but I couldn't find it anywhere. I called and asked Doc if he had seen it and he hadn't . I thought maybe one of the girls moved it when they were doing crafts in the room so I looked around the house but still no luck. And what I was hoping wouldn't be, must be. Alex is the only one who would not ask what a gift was for or who it was for, he would just open it. But this time is seems he hid it too. I finally found it in a closet - the ripped wrapping paper was still there, the box was open with the clothes stuffed back in and the baby toy that was in the box too, Rocco grabbed and ran off with as soon as he spotted it on the floor. He had put a board game on top of it, probably to hide it. Nice, always on my toes....

Alex was up all night last night. He actually started in my bed because I had some friends over last night and it was easier to let him start there than have him come down stairs to keep looking for me. He was too heavy for me to move so I let him stay, figuring he might just sleep soundly since he loves my bed so much - wrong! He was up every 30-40 minutes and kept asking me to rub his back to help him fall back to sleep. Then at 4:30 this morning, our conversation went something like this,"Mom, what time is it?" I told him it was 4 in the morning, too early. "Is today Thursday?" I told him yes, still too early, go back to sleep." Am I buying lunch today?" Yes, but not for hours, lay back down. " Is it going to be sunny today?" I think so, but again, not for a while so lay down. "Where's Rocco?" Sleeping with Olivia I told him, don't bother them. "What time is it now?" Obviously time for me to slip him a sleeping pill - just kidding. So on top of a sleepless night, it looked as if he was going to have a bad listening day too. Anything I ask him not to do, he does, and his knee jerk response is always, "sorry" with an attitude, like I am putting him our by telling him to stop misbehaving.

I told him not to go get Rocco from Liv's room, he did. He is not supposed to pick him up and carry him, he did, all the way out of her room and down the stairs. He is not supposed to let him out without a leash on, and he did. The list goes on and on. It was so early I decided to take him with me for a ride and get some coffee again, give the girls a little more time to sleep, so we left. As soon as we got back, he was at it again with the dog, so I put him in his room and told him to stay there until I came to get him. I heard him say that he was leaving this house, that I am a mean mom, so I popped back in and told him not to even think of packing anything up, that he needed to leave his room the way it was. You know what he said? "It's my room mom, I can if I want to. You can't always tell me what to do." Oh yeah? Sometimes I want to laugh so hard because the way he says these things are so funny, and the fact that he is saying them is so funny, but I can't. So you know how people always say that kids with Down Syndrome are so sweet, such angels - clearly that is a fallacy. Don't get me wrong, Alex is a doll, sweet and caring, but just like any other child, he has an edge to him that most people are surprised to see. Just ask his bus driver, Dan, who laughs at him every day, and can't believe how in tune with the world he is. I am glad he is high functioning and is so aware of things, but it certainly comes at a price!

We were out of coffee last night, and I was too tired to go to the store, so I planned to get up early and get some. Of course Alex was already up, so I told him if he got dressed he could come with me to the drive thru for coffee. He asked why we weren't going to the grocery store for the coffee and I told him it was too early, so he went to get dressed. He came back downstairs in a button down dress shirt, a sweater vest, tie, and a zip up sweater over that. To complete the outfit he put winter boots on over his sweat pants. When I asked him why he was dressed up like that just to run out in the car he said, "You never know who we might meet mom. I want to look good." He has a point.....

I order my coffee at the speaker, and as I am about to drive to the window to pay Alex shouts, "Hey lady, can you add an ice cream sundae to that?" Seriously? She heard him too, and answered, "we don't serve ice cream this early, sorry." Kind of embarrassing, but he thought it was so funny.

I had to pick up Olivia and her friend from acting class last night, so Alex and Bella came with me. I had the usual talk with Alex about being good and listening while we were waiting for them to finish, which of course didn't work. As soon as we get there, instead of sitting down in the seats to wait like everyone else, he sits for about 3 seconds and then gets up and walks right into the middle of the group in front of the stage. As I am following him calling his name to stop, I can see Olivia's look of horror as she mouths ,"no, stop him" to me. So I take him by the hand and tell him he can't do that, just walk into a class when it is not over yet and we go to sit back down. He sits in the row in front of me and is kind of leaning on the seat in front of him. There is a boy from Liv's class at school sitting in the row in front of Alex, one seat to the left. He turns around a couple of times and looks at Alex, then moves over two more seats to the left. Really? Why do people, kids, have to be like that? First I wanted to smack him in the back of the head, then I wanted to educate him, then I wanted to cry. But I took a deep breath and let it go. I thought of Olivia and figured she would not be happy. It's always something, I wish I had a tougher shell and didn't let things get to me - maybe someday....

Not a great start to the day today. Since the time change Alex has been up off and on all night long. Last night it was almost every hour he was up, saying he couldn't sleep, what time is it, can he get up and watch tv or play downstairs, etc. At 4:45 this morning he was sitting up in my bed and had been asking for about 20 minutes if he could get up and play. I kept telling him no, that it was still way too early and to wait a little while longer. Do you want to know what he did? This is pretty embarrassing for me to write, but this is what life is like with Alex, so here goes....He says, "mom, what is wet in here? The bed is wet right here." I immediately sat up and felt around him - he was naked from the waist down and had peed in my bed purposely. Are you kidding? I am so freaking tired at this point, all I want is some sleep, and I don't even know how to respond to him. I told him to get up and I had to strip the bed right away since it was soaked. "Why would you do this? You don't ever pee the bed. Why would you take your pants off and go right on my sheets?" Of course he said, "Sorry mom. But I wanted to get up and you wouldn't let me. Now I have to get up so you can change the bed. So, I'm going downstairs now, ok?" So not ok. I want to cry at this point, not because of the pee, because I am so damn tired I just don't know what it will take for me to get a good night sleep. How am I supposed to be patient and kind with the kids when I am running on empty all of the time? So I made him help me bring the sheets downstairs and do the laundry, told him he is not allowed in my bed again unless the world was coming to an end and went t make my coffee. As I write this, he is sitting on the floor next to me whining and yelling already because he is just as tired as I am. Let's cross our fingers for a good day.....

FUNNY: Alex came running to me first thing this morning saying, "Mom, mom, blue pee, what does it mean? What does blue pee mean?" Blue pee? I asked him what he was talking about. He said, "I just went the bathroom and my pee in the toilet is blue! What does it mean? Am I sick?" I started laughing so hard he actually got upset."It's not funny!" I had put toilet cleaner in the toilets last night and it turned the water blue.......

NOT SO FUNNY: Alex let Rocco out without a collar or a leash on - there was a big pack of wild turkeys out in the woods and it took me 30 minutes to lure him back inside in my pj's and no shoes on. When I told Alex never to let him out again without a leash on because he is not trained well enough yet, he replied, "Chill out mom, he's only a puppy." Not so funny....

I know most people enjoy the extra hour of sleep when we turn the clocks back - does nothing for me. The lighter it is in the morning, the earlier Alex will be up. Like this morning, wow it was early, and cold! I let him play in the office for a bit while I waited for coffee, and I smelled it as soon as I entered the room - he had a big accident in his pants. In about 5 seconds I go through a crazy rash of emotions - how does a kid this smart still poop his pants, anger that he doesn't even try to get up and use the bathroom, sadness that we have made no progress with this issue, ticked off that I know he will say the same thing he always does, "sorry mom." etc. Anyway, he went to get the things I needed to change him and I asked him to leave Rocco out of the room while we cleaned him up because I knew he would be sniffing around and making things harder. So of course Alex doesn't listen and lets him back in the room and sure enough while I am juggling wiping him up, holding the garbage bag and trying to keep the puppy away from his bare ass, I get poop on my shirt. Now this isn't like getting baby poop on you, this is hearty 10 year old poop, what's better than that at 5:30 a.m.? He asks me what happened and I told him that his not listening caused my shirt to get dirty, and you know what he says, "Nice mom, nice,...bravo!" He is so lucky I am not quicker on my feet yet, only had about 2 sips of coffee in me now.
Alex knows he needs to throw the trash bag we use into the garbage can in the garage when we are done, so he went to do this while I washed up and changed. He then came to tell me that he had been in a rush because it was so cold in the garage that he threw the dirty poop bag into the large recycling can. So now I get to go dumpster diving basically and sift through for the small plastic bomb. You know how they say if you want something done yourself???? Oh, and he had used the bathroom when he first got downstairs, so when I went in to wash up slipped on a wet floor covered in yup, you guessed it, pee. See, he thinks it is funny sometimes to sit on the toilet and just see where the pee goes if he doesn't hold it down. so now I have to wash the bathroom floor. Sometimes I feel like that old army commercial, I get more done by 9 a.m. than most people do all day.....Happy Saturday!!

Haircut

Last night was haircut night for Alex. He has been getting his hair cut since he was under a year old. He has pretty thin hair, but is grows really fast. I started taking him to my hairdresser and he did great until he was about 2, then started freaking out in the chair. I tried taking him to a couple of different places with the same results. It didn't matter if he was on my lap, not on my lap, had candy in his mouth, was watching a video - nothing worked to calm him down. So we started doing it ourselves at home, just a basic buzz cut, which didn't prove to be any more successful, but at least we could work together to hold him still and his screams wouldn't freak any strangers out. Then I found a place, Cuts for Peanuts, and tried him there a few years ago. He did great! She was fast and sensitive to his needs and it worked well for a while. But the last time we went he ended up crying on the floor under the chair and we decided that was our last visit. I know kids with Down Syndrome can be especially sensitive to noise and certain touch so I just chalk it up to that issue and plow through the experience at home. It is not a pleasant one though. As soon as I tell him we need to cut his hair he starts screaming that he hates haircuts, he's not doing it, blah, blah, blah. I am the one to hold his hand and Doc is the one with the scissors and buzzer, definitely a tag team effort. If anyone were to hear the commotion from outside the house they would think a mass murderer was on the loose, brutally torturing a poor boy inside. No really, he yells and screams the whole time. When Bella was younger she would make us leave the bathroom door open so she could see that all we were doing was cutting his hair, because the way he was carrying on I think she didn't believe us! We even have to sneak into his room after he is sleeping most times to finish trimming around his ears, kind of ridiculous. And after all that, he looks in the mirror and says, "wow, nice haircut, I look pretty handsome."

He is like that with clipping his nails too. I used to have to do it when he was sleeping to avoid another showdown, and to avoid upsetting the girls over such a simple thing. Now that he is older I can use leverage to get my way - like no game night, stories before bed, etc. until he has his nails clipped- and there is still whining and yelling, but I get it done. These simple tasks most people take for granted cause major drama in our house, and usually take some planning and LOTS of patience.

Smoothies and Basketball

We had a little debate about smoothies yesterday afternoon. I offered him a leftover smoothie from the batch I had made for breakfast after school, and he responded, "What? Mom, that is not a snack." I told him it was and he told me that it is healthy but it is a drink, and people usually only DRINK it for breakfast, you don't eat a smoothie. You use a straw not a fork and even though there is fruit in there, it is so not food. So, he wanted something to eat, "Get it mom? So what else do you have?" Apparently I am dumber than I thought.

After that I thought we would go outside and play some basketball, get a little exercise, plus he loves basketball. He is actually really good at making shots - when he makes it in the basket he says, "did you hear that? All net!" So we are taking turns and he is on a roll, he got 10 shots in a row and turns to me with a huge smile and says,"Oh yeah sucka!" Really? When did he start talking like that, and where did he learn it? I really wanted to laugh because it's one of those moments that I feel like he is such a typical kid, showing off a little, testing some fresh language, you know the drill. But, if I react, it can become a part of his vocabulary for a long time, and it really wouldn't be appropriate for him to go to school and greet his teacher with,"Good morning sucka!"

Friends

Alex and I were on the swings together, just chatting and enjoying being outside, the girls were at a friends house together and it was quiet for a few minutes. He looks at me and says, "mom, I love you." Oh, so sweet. "I love you too bud." He says it again, "Mom, I really love you." Oh-oh, I feel a but coming....."but you're not that fun to play with." What?? I usually think of great things for us to do, what is he talking about? He must have seen my expression and said," well you are fun mom, but I need a friend. A friend to play with." I am getting teary eyed even writing it now, which is how I felt after this conversation. Again, here we go with the mixed feelings - I am so happy, almost amazed, that he can vocalize his feelings like this, that he knows I like spending time with him and we do have fun, but of course it isn't the same as time spent with kids your own age. And then the crushing heartache of hearing him say he needs some friends, that he is aware that he doesn't have play dates unless it is with a group of kids and his sisters are usually involved, that he has kids he calls friends, but he needs to actually be with them, play with them. So I promised him I would try to have a play date for just him soon, very soon. Wow, pretty deep for a quick ride on the swings....

This past Sunday we had a big neighborhood game of capture the flag. It was fun to see the kids running around on a crisp fall day, and especially to see Alex included in the fun. He had the job of defense, and they told him to blow his whistle any time a member of the other team came into the backyard. Let me tell you, he blew that whistle like his ship was going down - nonstop the whole game. At one point I had to tell him to come up for air, I seriously thought he was going to hyperventilate! It's always bittersweet for me though, on one hand I get to be with my kids, interacting with them and seeing them interact with friends, seeing Alex having fun and feeling a part of things is always good. But knowing the other moms are inside keeping busy, getting things done while occasionally checking out the window to see if the kids are ok, the normalcy of that ,which I will probably never have stings a bit. I know it frustrates Alex too, he actually tells me to stop following him around, to let him be with his friends, "the other kids will watch me mom, I'm fine, I'll be good." If only I could know that for sure - it is in his heart but is it in his control?

Halloween was so fun! We took the kids to a Halloween parade in the morning, where they got to march with their costumes on and then trick or treat to all the stores nearby. Then had friends and family over for pizza and out to trick or treat in our neighborhood. I was so proud of Alex, he walked to every house and had great manners, but when we got to the second block he wanted to sit in the wagon (which I bring every year for this reason). When he does a lot of walking he complains his knee hurts him, and the doctor said it could be because kids with Downs have flatter feet and walk heavier so it puts more pressure on joints. He was insistent on staying with the group ( I think we had about 16 kids with us) but he wouldn't get out to walk. Then he hit a point when he wouldn't even go up to the door anymore, he actually told me to go get him the candy and bring it back to him! I tried to tell him I was too old and wasn't even dressed up but he wasn't having it - he wanted a full service Halloween. How great is it that Olivia and her 2 friends Julia and Anna went up to the houses and got 2 pieces of candy, one for themselves and one for him. They knew he wanted to stay out trick or treating but just couldn't keep up and went the extra step to help out. Great kids who obviously learned compassion from either Alex or their parents or both. Now eating the candy is a different story - that boy could be in a Hershey bar eating contest and win hands down!

I knew having a new puppy in the house would be a lot of extra work, but I did not anticipate how much more work it would be to handle Alex and the puppy together. I have to watch him all the time with Rocco (the name we decided on for the puppy - Alex still wanted Meatball, Bella still wanted Romeo, I made the executive decision for Rocco) because he tries to do things he knows are wrong. Like giving Rocco a bottle of lotion and telling him to chew on it and see if he can get the lotion to squirt out, or hiding him in his room and locking the door so he doesn't have to share him with the girls. He also likes to pick him up and carry him around which just isn't safe - first because sometimes he holds him around the neck and the back instead of wrapping both hands around the body, and second, because Alex is the type of kid who would think, "man he is getting heavy" and just drop him. He would realize after the fact that it probably hurt the dog to just drop him on the ground, but who wants trial and error like that? Rocco has definitely brought us lots of happiness and laughs, and responsibility for the kids too, especially Alex who loves taking him out to the bathroom and giving him treats. BUT, it is soooo time consuming for me when he is home because he is all over Rocco all the time!

I'm Back!

It's been a while, time has gotten away from me again. Where do I begin? I will start with his medical issues since that is what has taken up some time. He needs procedures and biopsies for his reflux, which we knew, but I just found out he has lost more hearing in his right ear and a little in his left. Our two options are surgery to try to open his ear up a bit and increase his hearing, or a hearing aid. Oh man did I cry when I heard that one - a hearing aid, on a child with Down Syndrome, could the stigma get any worse? As if he isn't presented with enough challenges throughout life. He has had trouble with his ears since he was very young, and a lot of the hearing loss is due to complications from past ear surgeries, infections, contracting MRSA, etc., so we run the risk of that happening again with another ear surgery, but I am tempted to go that route first as I don't think he will tolerate the hearing aid. For those of you who know Alex, can't you see him try to feed the $5000 hearing aid to the dog? And his eyes are next - my heart stopped the other day when we were in the kitchen and he asked which friend was standing at the table -" Who is that mom, Julia?" I said no thinking he was joking and he said," is it Claudia?", and I said, "Alex, seriously, who is that? Can't you see that far?" "No mom, I can't." Then I stopped breathing for a minute. A couple days later his teacher told me he was struggling to see when reading his books too. Another trip to one, two, or three eye doctors depending what they find. I am hoping it will be solved with a simple pair of glasses (not that getting him to wear them will be simple) instead of another eye surgery. He is only 10, it doesn't seem fair.

Alex has had a rough time lately, not sure what is going on. He refuses to do anything I ask him to do, and purposely does everything I ask him not to do. When I finally get him to use the bathroom after minutes of arguing, he sits on the toilet and says, "fine, I'm sitting here in the bathroom, but I am not going to go." The dog has been taking turns sleeping in the kids room and when he is in one of the girls rooms, Alex will go in and wake them up. He says it is because he wants to take the dog out so it doesn't pee in the house, but when he wakes up at 5, no one, not even the dog wants to get up. I have told him to wait until the dog gets up on his own and he can take him outside then, but I still find myself arguing with him way too early in the day.

This morning I sent him to his room for waking Olivia up by peeling off all of her covers to get to the dog, and asked him to stay in there quietly and think about following the rules. As I am downstairs pouring my first cup of coffee, he enters the kitchen dressed in some crazy outfit. He has about 3 pairs of shorts on, 2 shirts, a sweater, tie, and hooded sweatshirt on top of that, with a baseball hat on backwards. He tells me he is "Bat Boy" and he is here to save the town from bad things. He says the dog is "Bat Dog" and has to stay with him to help. I asked him if he had remembered why he had to go to his room and he said yes, but he didn't have time to talk about it, he was a superhero and had to get to work.

His little charade got us through the morning, but when it came time to get on the bus, more trouble. His regular driver, who he adores, is away for the next two days at a wedding and Alex has a sub driver. He still has a hard time with change in his routine, and he started saying he isn't going to school, he isn't getting on the bus, he doesn't like the driver, etc. It took quite some time to convince him to try the new driver, but he finally agreed to get on the bus and go to school. The deal was that instead of working for one reinforcer at the end of the day, he got to pick two today. Whatever works! Not even 5 minutes later I hear honking in the driveway and look out to see the bus back. Major panic attack hits as I run outside. Well it seems he told the driver he had to go the bathroom so badly he couldn't hold it until they got to school. So she turned around and told him he could go at home. Soooo, of course I go to unbuckle him and he has the biggest smile on his face,"Hey mom!" I followed him inside and he told me he needed privacy so he shuts the door and comes back out again about 5 seconds later. "Did you really go? Did you even have to go?" He just smiled and said,"Not really." And this is just Alex testing the waters and showing everyone who really runs the show......poor driver.

Alex had a pretty tough weekend, not a lot of listening and too much physical behavior. We had plans to go to a fall festival on Saturday with friends and because of his behavior (did not listen to anything I asked him to do or not do, scratched Olivia and pulled her hair, and pushed and hit Bella) I told him he couldn't go with us. I am usually horrible at follow through with my kids - I admit it - I will tell them they can't do something or take something away and just play the stupid card and let them join in with family movie night, or going to a party, etc. because I want to enjoy time with them. I don't do it all the time, but definitely too much. And so I vowed to change my ways, knowing that it will be beneficial for everyone, and started with Alex on Saturday.

Talk about breaking my heart - he cried and cried, promised to be good, etc. I wanted so badly to say ok, one more chance, you can come, but I stayed strong. He did not get to come, he stayed home with Dad and I hope he learned a little something.

Olivia, Bella and Alex decided to put on a Halloween skit for us last night, and it was soooo cute! What made me happiest was seeing them all working together, having fun, and especially seeing Alex enjoying being included and loving it. He was "lighting technician" and the neighbor they came trick-or-treating to. After the play was over they wanted to make lists of the costumes they were thinking of dressing up in. The girls had about 10 on their lists, Alex, had about 30. I was impressed with some of the ideas he came up with, but narrowing it down is going to be tough. His idea was that he could be all of them - he would wear them all on top of each other and at each house he would take one costume off, that way he would have a different costume for every trick-0r-treat he would say. He pretty much has an answer for everything.........

Alex was scheduled for some procedures at the hospital today, endoscopy, colonoscopy, biopsy, etc. but we had to cancel due to a bad cold. Mixed feelings on that one - I am glad to skip it for obvious reasons, but also hate putting it off and not just getting it over with. He was soooooo happy he didn't have to go. We just can't put him under if he has any respiratory issues at all. Rescheduled for early December, and won't talk about it with him until then.

So we are still debating on a name for the new puppy, and decided to have a family vote. Alex decided he was going to make a big list of names for us to choose from so he dictated and I wrote. Some of the cute ones he picked were, Meatball, Porkchop, Spongebob, Taco, and Cosi. He really likes Zappy and would be fine not changing it, but the rest of us agree he needs a new name. He has been great about taking him outside and walking him, feeding him, etc. He actually gives him a little speech before he leaves for school, " Now, be a good boy and go the bathroom outside for mommy. Don't pee in my room and I will give you a treat when I get home." Of course he still acts like a chicken once he is on the bus so I have no idea what he is trying to say after that, but it is really cute.

So we gave in and got another dog yesterday! We had two Boxers and both passed away which was pretty devastating for the kids. They have been asking for a new dog for a while but just recently began actively searching. It happened so fast and we ended up finding an 11 month old Boston Terrier - kind of a compromise since I really wanted another Boxer (great dogs) but the kids wanted something a bit smaller. The kids are totally in love, especially Alex, and the puppy seems to love them all back already. Hopefully this is not the honeymoon and they will lose interest in helping care for him - who am I kidding??!! He has been great so far, we are just working on a new name for him. The woman who had to give him up named him Zappy which we want to change but haven't come up with anything yet. Any suggestions?

Olivia has been asking me all week to take her for a jog or power walk, she really wants to get in shape to run in the Thanksgiving Day road race. I decided today would be a good day to start, Saturday, nice weather, not a lot of plans, etc...Well, as soon as the other kids found out we were going they begged for what seemed like hours to join us. Normally it would be great, but my plan was to drop my mom's car off at her house for her (it has been here since I drove her to the airport earlier this week) and walk/jog home which is probably just under 3 miles. I have been trying really hard lately to get in better shape so I was looking forward to the exercise.



Olivia then asked a friend to join us so my plan was to drive with the kids, Olivia, Hannah, Bella and Alex, to park mom's car, then have my husband follow us there so he could drive whoever changed their minds home. I thought for sure Alex would get to the end of mom's street and say his knees were hurting and jump in the truck with Dad to go home. Actually, I was secretly hoping for this so I could kill two birds with one stone - get my exercise in and give Olivia the exercise she wanted. Well, surprisingly all the kids started out strong and kept going. Doc (my husband) followed behind us in the truck in case Alex dropped out. Long story short, Alex did get in the truck a few times, but wouldn't let Doc drive home - he would rest for a couple of minutes then hop back out and want to walk/jog with us again. Now I was starting to get irritated. I wasn't getting much exercise having to keep a slow pace with him and the girls were getting farther and farther ahead of me on a fairly busy street. I started telling Alex he needed to get in the truck and meet us at home, that it wasn't safe for me to not be close to the girls, he was going to slow, etc., and he looked at me and said,"I'm doing my best mom." Ouch - that made me feel like a great mom.

Alex began losing steam but was showing no sign of getting back in the truck so Doc and I forced him to, feeling it was best for everyone. He was crying so hard that I couldn't do it - I told him to join us again and told Doc to just drive home, I would deal with it. Alex gets out of the truck, wipes his eyes, grabs my hand and says,"Thanks mom, thanks for giving me another chance. I promise I won't complain." Double ouch - felt like the worst mom ever. Yes I was aggravated that I couldn't have some girl time with Liv and Bella that they desperately need, and yes I was mad that my exercise time flopped, but I wasn't mad at Alex. How could I be? He wants so badly to fit in and be a part of everyday life with us and sometimes he seems like such a typical kid to me that I forget he does have limitations. But he tried so hard, and you know what? He didn't complain the rest of the way, not once. I was proud of him.

We were walking out to the bus this morning, talking about how we were going to decorate for Halloween when he got home if he had a great day, and all of a sudden he started acting like a chicken. No really, he started flapping his arms like wings and going"bawk, bawk, bawk,." Totally out of the blue, and when he gets on the bus his driver, who always thinks he is hysterical ,starts laughing which only makes his chicken actions stronger. I tried asking him a question and got a "bawk" for an answer. He then stood up from the seat I was trying to buckle him into and started doing the chicken dance. The driver laughed harder and Alex said,"See, he thinks I am so funny!" No matter what I said to him he bawked at me and then told me," mom, I am answering you in chicken words." Good luck to his teachers today!!

I had a rough start to the day, most of it stemming from some sad news and like all parents, tried really hard to hide it from the kids as I got them ready for school. The girls were gone, on the bus to school and it was just me and Alex home. I didn't realize he was behind me and let myself go for a minute, crying, but quietly. The next thing I heard was his voice, talking to himself, "Oh no, mommy is sad, she needs a hug." And before I could turn around he was there, hugging me, telling me I am the best mommy ever and to please stop crying. "Why are you sad? I want you to be happy. Here, I will kiss you too, I know THAT will make you happy" And it did. His sincere desire to help me fell better melted me. As we walked out to his bus he said, "No more crying all day, ok? Just be happy. I am going to ask you when I get home if you cried and I hope you say no!" Oh he can be so sweet I just want to eat him up. Then of course in the next minute he is telling his bus driver that mommy was crying and he didn't know why."Ask her, ask her why she is crying, C'mon, don't you want to know?" Ok, not so cute anymore. Closed that bus door pretty quickly!

I had to get up at 4 in the morning to drive my mom to the airport, and Alex was up most of the night coughing then up from the time I left at 4:30. Point being he was VERY tired when he got home from school and just wanted to lay on the couch and watch a little tv. This actually worked out well because I had a bunch of kids over playing outside and I could keep an eye on them while making dinner. Did I actually think it would last? In the middle of peeling potatoes I called his name a couple times with no response. I panicked, knowing how unpredictable he can be when he is over tired, and as I went to drop everything and run outside I sliced my thumb open.

He was outside and wanted to join in the game, which is great, but he broke the rule AGAIN about going outside without telling an adult. So when he plays capture the flag, I play capture the flag - it's the whole one step behind him thing. He gets really annoyed with me when I do this - he actually yelled at me, "stop following me around mom!" Ugh, leave me alone with my friends!" I fell bad having to do this, especially when he does great, but it is always the one minute I let my guard down that he does something unacceptable and usually not so nice, whether intentional or not.

Like the other day when I was at my friend Shayna's house and he wanted to see the dogs which were purposely left in the fenced in backyard because one of them has a tendency to run away when she gets loose. He really wanted to see and pet them so he did what he wanted to do and opened the gate. Well, she got loose and ran away which caused chaos and embarrassment for me.

My finger ended up bleeding for almost an hour and still hurts today. I'll just add it to my long list of war wounds!

My mom makes food once a month that a group through her church brings to a soup kitchen and feeds the hungry/homeless. Alex was over her house when she was cooking one of these meals and asked her about it. She explained how the process works and why she was doing it and he seemed content with her answers and moved on. Later that night he came to me begging to make brownies, and I thought he was saying he was starving and wanted them now. I had just made a big dinner and dessert for family that night and did not want to start baking again, definitely not at his bed time. But he wasn't saying he was starving, he was saying there are people that are starving and need food to eat. He told me that brownies are the one thing he knows how to make really well and he needed to make them and bring them to church so they could bring it to the hungry people. I totally melted and of course, made the brownies with him. Now he wants to go and serve the food at the shelter. How sweet is he? Again, it's these moments that I hold close......

I was soooo proud of Alex on Sunday. We went to open house at the fire station in town with Auntie Ally, Tucker and Mason. Alex was so grown up about getting into the trucks, and going on a tour of the firehouse. He asked the firemen such great questions and on the way out thanked them and said, " this place is really interesting!" He got a hat and a badge and told them we had smoke alarms in our house, he told them that sometimes they go off and the fireman asked if it was mom's cooking that set them off and he just laughed. He left without giving me any problems and the rest of the afternoon was great. Thoughts of this day will stay with me for a while, I love great family days, so good for everyone!

Most days are interesting in our house, some days we ease into things, some days they are interesting from the minute we get out of bed - like today. For some reason Alex decided to pretend his entire body was hurt and put band aids all over himself - arms, legs, feet, nose. He also wrapped an ace bandage around his head, one around each leg, a big one around his chest, and one around his wrist. He was moving so slowly, I guess pretending that it hurt to move, and brought one of our play doctor kits down stairs which he then emptied all over the family room. So at 6 a.m. he had trashed the bathroom, his room and part of the family room. Chaos overload for me before my first cup of coffee.

I asked him what made him play that this morning and he said he had watched something at school where someone had gotten hurt in a few places and he wanted to see what he would look like if he got hurt that much too. In the big picture, it kind of makes sense, in my little picture where I have 3 kids to get ready for the bus, drive my husband to work (our truck is in the shop) and make a Dr. appt. by 9:30, not so much sense.

I was talking to my friend Noelle yesterday who has a daughter with Downs in middle school, and after she spent her weekend and part of the week at the hospital with her daughter, she said, "there is never a dull moment, it's always something with our kids." And it is, good, bad, funny, not so funny, heartbreaking, but never dull..........

Olivia, 9 years old, is having a really tough time with Alex lately. Liv and Alex are only a year apart, and have always been close, she has taught him so much and been so patient and compassionate with him. But as she becomes more aware of herself, others, and relationships between people she is becoming more critical of him. She is noticing people stare at Alex, sometimes making comments or asking questions, getting annoyed by his behavior (especially in public), and not wanting to spend time with him. As she grows and tries to work on her own changes, she is less patient with his. She has openly said she wishes she could have a normal brother, why does he have to be this way, she doesn't like him anymore, etc.

This coming from the girl who wouldn't think twice about seeing another child with special needs, and would tell her friends not to stare. This coming from the girl who would tell other kids that asked what was wrong with Alex and say they didn't want to get near him to catch what they had, would stand tall and explain that he was born this way, you could not catch anything from him (sometimes throwing a stupid in there) and that he was just a boy who learned a bit differently than we did. I'm sad. I am sad for her, to be going through this, although I know it is a normal part of family life when you have a child with special needs, it is a burden that I don't want for my girls. I am sad that Alex hears her and feels her anger and has cried because his best friend isn't there for him anymore. I have read all the books, listened to doctors, I know how this works, but like anything, real life situations are so different than situations on paper. The heart is a miraculous organ, what a beating it can take and yet still carries on. Alex is 10 years old, and some days I still wonder how I got to this place, how this is the road I am on. Most days I don't let myself think too much about it, I am so busy with other things, today is not one of those days.........

It was an awesome fall day yesterday and all the kids had the day off from school. We did a bunch of fun things and I decided to end the day making carmel apples with them. We had gotten a cool little machine shaped like a big red apple that you use specifically for making candy apples (it's like an electric fondue pot) and had plenty of apples left from apple picking. They came out great, the kids ate one last night and I told them to save one for today. Well, Alex had dipped his in carmel and chocolate and thought it was the greatest thing ever so wanted both last night. Talk about begging, for an hour he yelled and whined that he wanted a second apple - couldn't do it. He has to follow the rules like everyone else, and he had already had sweets that day so my answer was no.

This morning I knew he was up to something because I heard him sneak downstairs (I was already down there) and go into the fridge. By the time I got into the kitchen he had already managed to hide his apple. He knew I would not let him eat it for breakfast so he hid it in the pantry closet, hoping to get in there, close the door and munch away! He tried telling me it was healthy because there was an apple buried underneath all that chocolate and carmel. Sometimes I want to be the fun mom who lets them eat sweet gooey things for breakfast, but with Alex if I do it once, he will expect it every day.

We have a reward system for Alex, so he picks one thing to work for each day. I print a picture off the computer of what he chooses and he brings it to school with him. If he has a great day, he earns it. One of his favorites is going to Blockbuster to pick out a DVD, especially SpongeBob. This is great and easy except he likes to hide them so he can keep them longer than a day so the $1 rental turns into $10 by the time I find them and return them. Why not rent them for a week you ask? Because that would blow the whole reward process - he earns it for the day only, that way he has to continue to try every day to do his best - if he knows the DVD is still at home for him to watch (he knows how to work all the TVs and DVD players in the house so will try to start a movie even if I have said no) he may not give the day his all and still think he can come home to his show.
And if I did decide to rent it for the week, he would tell me he wants a different DVD anyway, that he is bored of the one he just watched. Can't win and I don't want to go broke at Blockbusters! So, today is the day to return his movies, 2 from this weekend, and they are no where to be found. I called school who checked with him and sure enough, they are in his backpack hidden in a sweatshirt. He got on the phone with me from school and when I questioned him about taking them after we had just discussed why he can't do this anymore he replied, "that's just how I roll mom." Really? Do I laugh or yell??

Alex was home sick yesterday, so he wakes me up this morning and says, "Exciting news mom, I' feel better! And more exciting news, I stayed in my own bed all night - do I get a treat? " First, such a cute way to wake up, the way he says "exciting news" makes me laugh, second, great that he isn't sick, and third, he did stay in his bed all night, but forgot to mention that he still was up about 7 times during the night asking me for water and to sit with him in his room. And at 3a.m. when I try to crawl in his bed with him because I am cold and tired and don't feel like sitting on the floor, he tells me that his bed is too small for both of us and that I should move down on the floor, and while I'm there I can rub his back for him. And if I want to lay with him I should probably get him that bunk bed he's been talking about, that way I would have my own spot! Clever boy....

He obviously was feeling better because when I got downstairs he was already donned in an apron, chefs hat and oven mitts, and had numerous food items and bowls, plates, spoons, etc out on the table. He told me he was the chef this morning and was making breakfast. This is why he cannot be left alone for long - he had the blender out for smoothies, the toaster, things he could have gotten hurt on. Always love his effort and creativity, but MAN, the cleanup sucks!

Well, we scheduled his procedures for reflux and blood work at the hospital for Fri Oct 16. The procedures plus blood work (which they are thankfully doing while he is under anesthesia)will only take about 20-30 minutes - but we will be in recovery for about an hour. I HATE when he wakes up from surgery - he is so irritable and disoriented, the poor kid is calling for me when I am right next to him. It has gotten better as he has gotten older, but he still comes out fighting, pulling his IV out, pulling the monitor patches off, etc. trying to get out of bed insisting he is ready to go home. He overheard me telling someone that he is going back to the hospital and he is already panicking - it breaks my heart to have him this frightened.

But no worries, he is still his feisty self. Last night we went to open house at his school which was very fun, they have a book fair, pizza dinner and open house all at once so the whole family enjoyed the night. He was so polite and introduced us to everyone, showed us around and was very proud. Because we got home late, I told him he could take the trash and recycling to the curb in the morning (this is his weekly chore) and he agreed. Well, when I told him it was time to do that before his bus came, he told me he didn't feel like it, he was busy getting ready for school which is much more important than chores, and wasn't doing it ever, and ended with, "there's nothing you can do about it mom - what are you gonna do about it?" Funny, funny boy of mine, I told him that was fine, and that it was too bad he would miss dessert night and family game night tonight. "Just Kidding mom, jeez!" was his answer on his way out to the garage......

So, I was right - Alex's reflux has surfaced again. We were at the GI doctor yesterday and they confirmed it, BUT, they still want to do an endoscopy at the hospital, and possible colonoscopy too, to see how much damage there is and what medicine is right for him, blah blah blah. this poor kid hates hospitals soooo much from being there so many times, he goes into panic mode as soon as he sees the building as we drive up to it. If I tell him too soon about his upcoming appt. he will have nightmares about "the mask" that they have to put on his face to put him to sleep. We actually have to medicate him before he even gets into the surgical room otherwise he will start shaking be pretty combative and they have to hold him down on the table, and my heart can't really take that anymore.

On the bright side, they took another x-ray and the metal disc that he swallowed is gone!

Oh, and I had to pick him up from school early to take him to this appt., and when I got there he only had socks on his feet. He has this thing about certain shoes and usually wears flip flops, crocs, or boots in the winter. He has been wearing socks on gym days just during gym and thinks its great. When I sent him off to school he had just socks on but his crocs were in his backpack - or so I thought. He had taken them out and hid them in the garage so he could wear socks all day long. Now it's raining out and he has no shoes and I need to take him into a Dr. 's office. So guess who gets to give a piggy back ride to a 100 pound boy up 3 flights of stairs? Yup, I'm the lucky winner! I had a roomful of mothers looking at me like I was the worst, letting my son out in the rain with no shoes. Puuhlease...that is so normal in my world!!

It sometimes baffles me how much Alex knows, how smart he is, but will still do things that make absolutely no sense to me. He asks me to check the weather on the computer every morning, wants to know what to expect from the day. When I tell him it will be rainy he will say "And cloudy too, right? Because nimbus clouds make the rain." Or he will take an interest in a certain animal and want to know all about it, most recently skunks, and he told me they are nocturnal like raccoons and bats so we should be careful when we pull in our driveway at night.

Now maybe that is no big deal for a typical 10 year old, but with the odds that have been stacked against him from the very beginning, I am pretty impressed. So why doesn't this train of thought apply to everything? Like when he sneaks outside to play when he is not allowed to open the door without asking permission, especially today while I was helping the girls with homework and making dinner, and when I find him out front and walk towards him telling him to come in, he runs to the truck, gets in , and locks the door. Or when I tell him we are having homemade soup and bread for dinner and he throws himself on the floor screaming like a maniac because he wanted me to order Chinese food - all I wanted him to do was eat dinner, a healthy dinner, not scrub toilets. I know, I know, it comes with the territory, lots of unanswered questions, and lots of questionable behavior. The extremes can be , like I said, baffling.

The girls bus comes first, Alex's bus about 30 minutes later, so he has a little time to play before he leaves. This morning he decided to take Bella's battery operated car for a spin around the driveway and up to the cul-de-sac. He was doing all these crazy moves in the car, and going forward , reverse, parking it, then yelling for me to watch carefully. Like I would look away for a second! When he saw his bus coming up the street, he pulled back in to the driveway and asked me where he should park it, so I told him back in the garage. He did then came up to me and said, "So mom, did I pass?" Pass what?? "Do I get my drivers license? Did I pass the driving test?" I told him he had a lot more practicing to do, and he told me to make him a pretend licence while he was at school because he is sure he will pass the test when he gets home. And you know he won't forget about it, so I better get busy...

At 5:45 this morning the doorbell started ringing repeatedly, ding dong ding dong ding dong, fast and furious. It is one of those noises that bolts you upright in bed and starts your heart racing before your feet even hit the floor running. It is Alex, standing on our sun porch ringing the bell like a mad man - even after he sees me through the glass he keeps ringing it, like there is some possibility I can't hear it. I open the door and let him in and ask him what is he doing?!! Very calmly he says, "I was locked out. There was a noise on the porch, I went to see what it was and closed the door behind me." Well, the noise turned out to be rain on the skylights and after he realized that, he wanted back in. What better way to get help than to pound the hell out of the doorbell?

I was not happy that he woke everybody up on top of giving me a minor heart attack, but we went over the scenario again, just to be sure it wouldn't happen again. He promised that if he needed to investigate on the sun porch again, he would unlock the door before he goes out or leave it open a crack so he can get back in with no problems (which he usually does, I guess the rules are different at the crack of dawn). Sounds good, problem solved. But wait, knowing the way Alex works, do you think he will come up with another scenario so that he will tell me he HAD to ring the bell again? I am sure he will.....So, as I am giving him this mini lecture, a beeping noise goes off and he says, "You know what that means mom, your coffee is ready!" And he takes off. He was right, the coffee was done brewing, and he was also right in knowing coffee in the morning wins out over pretty much anything...

Alex came downstairs this morning all dressed and told me to look at his feet. I did and he had mismatched socks on, actually he had 3 pairs of mismatched socks on each foot and told me it was Friday, crazy sock day. Pretty fun, I thought, school is having crazy sock day! "No, mom, school didn't say it's crazy sock day, I made it up. It's craaazy sock day, ok?" Ok.......

As I tucked Alex into bed tonight he said, "Come here mom, get closer." I did and he gave me such a big hug and kissed my cheek about 10 times and told me I was the best mom on earth, the best mom"ever, ever, ever..." How sweet is that? He usually doesn't let me kiss him now that he is 10, and I usually tell him to get over it because I am going to kiss him forever, "ever, ever, ever..." Sweet dreams my little bubby....

Like every day when Alex's bus pulls in and I go to undo his harness, I ask him how his day was. Most days he will say, "great day mom" or "good day mom, no codes (which means he didn't follow directions, wasn't safe, etc. and the "code team" had to escort him to what they call inhouse which is a room where kids go to collect themselves until they are ready to get back on task. Actually Alex calls it JAIL and the teacher who runs the room the SHERIFF!) Today he said, 'Uhhhh, it was OK. I had one code, but it's fine mom, really. I had a good afternoon."

He got off the bus and we went to sit down to look over his daily book so I could see all the things he did (social studies, math, etc.) and any problems he had. I gave him a chance to tell me what caused the code and he said he was in music and didn't feel like joining in and following directions. Well, that didn't seem so bad to me. Yeah - he left out the part that when his teacher said he had to join in or leave the room he spit at her, twice. Nasty! If there is one thing I cannot stand it is spitting. And there it is, that lack of filter with Alex, see, most kids would never dare to spit at their teacher, they may think it, but would never do it. Well, he did it and got in trouble. The good part is that by the time they got him to inhouse he was able to sit at a desk and talk about it, then go back to music and apologize.

I give those teachers so much credit....

This morning Alex decided to have a little fashion show while he was deciding on what to wear to school. He must have come down 8 or 9 different times with a new outfit on each time. Wow, he has some fashion sense that bubby of mine - sleeveless sweater vest with shorts a tie and baseball hat, sweatpants, white t-shirt, a black tuxedo jacket and green crocs, bathing suit bottoms, long sleeve shirt, visor, and a winter scarf around his neck - those are a few of my favorites. He wanted to know which was my favorite, uhhhh, how do I pick? I was able to remind him he had gym today so he came back down in gym shorts, a t-shirt and a sweatshirt (phew!) He certainly is original.....

I took the kids to pick out some mums and pumpkins for the yard, and most of the kids decided on small white pumpkins that they could paint when they got home. Alex decided he wanted a big orange one, and did a good job picking it out. But he is a man on a mission, and first wanted to carve it as soon as we got home - got out newspaper, a butter knife, and a spoon. I tried to tell him if we carved it now, it would rot soon and he wouldn't be able to keep it very long. He bought into it pretty quickly, which is a bit scary because it means he already had a plan B.

And he did - pumpkin pie. He doesn't like pumpkin pie, or any pie for that matter, and I explained to him it was a lot of work to make pumpkin pie from scratch, that it wasn't like pouring brownie mix in a bowl with some eggs and water, it was time consuming. I wouldn't mind going through the process with him, but I had a bunch of people showing up for brunch about 30 minutes later, and it just wasn't happening.

As I said, a man on a mission - he got out bowls, pie pans, beaters, etc. and wasn't even listening to what I was saying - actually at one point he put his hands over his ears and said, 'blah, blah, blah, I am not listening." Had to distract him quickly or this was going to go south fast, and thankfully the doorbell rang - literally saved by the bell! Some of our company showed up early, yeah!

Sometimes completing the simplest of tasks seem overwhelming. Our friends and neighbors were having a big Labor Day cookout and I was responsible for making some appetizers. Well, they also rented a big bounce house which is great, except Alex doesn't do very well in them - he has a tendency to get a little crazy, jumping around without really paying attention to others and their space. If he accidentally lands on someone, he may think it is fun or funny and continue to do so. Clearly, not everyone likes being super flied or having this fun bounce house turned into a MAM ring.

While I was trying to cook in the kitchen, he kept trying different escape routes to get across the street into the bounce house which was inflated and full of kids already. So appetizers that should have taken 30-40 minutes took much longer due to the need to basically keep him in lock down until I could go to the party with him.

These situations arise all the time, where I have to watch him constantly, and stay one step ahead of him mentally and one step behind him physically. Makes everyday tasks stressful and sometimes exhausting. Part of the journey I guess!

No sleep

One of the worst things is lack of sleep, and at 10 years old Alex still doesn't sleep through the night. We had a big cousin's sleepover last night, they all went to bed late and Alex was up twice during the night, then at 4 a.m. he came into my bed. It would be ok if he went right to sleep, but he asks me to rub his back until he falls back to sleep. So, I start out saying no, then after minutes of whining, and my desperation to get some rest, I give in and rub his back until I can't feel my arm anymore. Of course, the minute I stop he bolts up and tells me he's not asleep yet and the cycle starts again.

Needless to say, he never really falls back to sleep and at 5:45 decides to go check on everybody else. I am able to stall him for a bit, but poor Meghan starts coughing non-stop and the rest of the gang wakes up anyway. And at 6:30 (after getting to bed at 1, and waking up at 4) I am serving breakfast and the coffee is not brewing nearly fast enough.

Alex's nights usually start with him waking up a few times between 11 and 2, then somewhere after 2 he makes his way into my room and insists on getting in to my bed. I am not an idiot, and know I should be firm and walk him back to his own room and do this continually until he gets the point, but after 10 years of not sleeping well along with stressful days, I wimp out. At some point I will be strong, just not this weekend.

We have done sleep studies, there is nothing medically wrong to cause these night time wakings. When he was an infant and until he was about 4, he had severe reflux which would cause him to wake frequently, but other than that, we just add it to the list of mysteries. Unfortunately, the lack of sleep on his part only adds to his tendency to act out, he has got to be exhausted too. Dr.'s have told us to put him on sleeping pills, but seriously, how much medication can one child take? I am such a freak about chemicals that I don't even like giving Motrin half the time! We have a full day planned, hopefully there will be Dunkin Donuts drive thrus along the way....

I was going through some old pictures on Kodak Gallery, need to order some for a school project, and came across Alex's First Communion photos. He had a practice day with the rest of the kids and their parents the week before the actual Communion, and he did really well. There was a number of activities and stations for the kids to go through, and then we came to the actual practice - you know, walking down the aisle, taking the fake host and putting it in your mouth, then taking a sip of wine.

Well, it is dead silent, all the parents in the pews watching while the kids parade up. Alex is last in line, waiting patiently. He takes the host, takes it in his mouth, then takes the wine, the wine that you are supposed to SIP, and proceeds to chug it like he's at a keg party, not church. He ends up finishing the wine, yes all of it, then wipes his mouth on his sleeve and lets out a loud, "aahhh." I hear some of the parents laughing, I was not one of them, although looking back I do think it's pretty funny, and the woman running the practice who had handed him the cup said, "Well, good thing he was last!"

Embarrassing moment #3 million - I told you there usually isn't a dull moment!

Feeling a little anxious today - I can sense some upcoming medical procedures with Alex. I have noticed him coughing and choking at meals lately, and in his words "throwing up on my tongue" which typically means his reflux is flaring up again. This means going to the hospital to put him under for the procedure to ensure that it is his reflux, then they can start the course of medication which will probably last about 3 months. Just what he needs, more meds on a daily basis!

My other concern is his eyes. He has had 9 eye surgeries so far, I think I mentioned that, and I have noticed he is having trouble seeing again, plus he has told me he sees "the black thing" floating in his eye which they said should have gone away by now. I HATE eye surgeries - too many risks involved and such a long recovery period. After all his procedures I am not even sure how much is left to do to his eyes, let's hope I am just thinking the worst.

Do you remember when you were little and your parents would tell you they would take away the pain or the illness and absorb it themselves, just so you wouldn't have to bear any type of hurt or discomfort? Now I know exactly what they meant...

My sister just reminded me of a really cute thing Alex did to her when we were on vacation this summer - he had been goofing around with her, rough-housing a bit and walked up to her and totally out of the blue held out his hands and said,"Auntie, can I have this dance?" It was so cute and unexpected! They danced for a couple of minutes and after she hugged him and thanked him for the dance he told her she needed dance lessons,that she wasn't that good, and that he would give her one the next day! These are the moments that keep me going....

Today was Alex's first day of school! And for a child who doesn't roll so well with change, we had a lot to deal with this morning. A new van driver, a different van with no cd player so he can listen to his favorite music on the way to school (Hannah Montanna, Camp Rock, Bon Jovi, etc) and a last minute phone call to let us know he will be in a new classroom with a new teacher. So, there were a lot of tears, telling me he was soooo nervous, please go on the van with me mommy, please come to school with me, what if my new teacher is strict, on and on. After about a half hour I was able to convince him to get on the van and then slowly pry his arms off me to leave for school. Then I went inside and cried. It was tough for both of us. But it turns out he had a great day and I took him to Blockbuster to reward him with a movie rental!

I just sat down to play "Ants in the Pants" with Alex, and he looked across the table at me and said, " Hey mom, it's on, you're going down puppy face, we'll see who wins this game." Are you kidding me? Where does he get this stuff from? I haven't laughed that hard in a while.....

I was thinking when I got up this morning that since today is the 2nd day of school for the girls and Alex doesn't start until tomorrow today might be quiet and uneventful with Alex. NOPE! Bella had a mini meltdown and didn't make it to the bus in time so I told her I would drive her, we had plenty of time. Next thing I know I can't find Alex anywhere, there isn't even any noise coming from another room. As I am calling for him, explaining we need to leave to take Bella to school I hear him asking for help - actually it was "Mom, help, get me out of here!" He had squeezed himself into one of the pantry closets and broke the door off the slider so he was stuck in the small spot on the floor under the shelves, unable to open the door. He was hiding so he didn't have to go with me to drop Bella off.

When I got him out, he decided he would go with us (like he ever had a choice) but he needed to "get something" first. Ten minutes later he has his school backpack stuffed with who knows what, dressed in shorts, t-shirt, hat, binoculars, boots, walkie-talkie, the works. He said he decided he isn't going to his school Gengras anymore, he wants to go back to Latimer Lane school with his sisters. And just in case they didn't have a teacher ready for him today, he was dressed to work "security" for them, guarding the school outside so no person or wild animal would bother the kids while they were at school. Thus the binoculars - he is able to spot danger from a mile away apparently - and the walkie talkie so he can call them and tell them what is going on as he patrols.

Needless to say, poor Bella was a little late to school, and it took some bribing to get him to leave school grounds with me.

I probably haven't stated this yet, but Alex has behavioral problems, problems with his impulse control, and has a tendency to get physical when he is angry, upset, or overly excited. We have him on medication, which I fought for a long time, but gave in as he got older and bigger, and started him on it about a year ago. It seems to help for the most part, but still I struggle daily with episodes, not to mention the side effects of the drug (weight gain, tired and cranky, etc.). I have always said that when Alex is good, I would have 10 kids like him, and when he is not, he feels like 10 kids at once.

It is these behaviors and my fear of his "episodes" that make planning or doing things with the kids tough. We have 2 different sets of plans today and I am already stressing about how they are going to go - I hate that. I want so much for him to benefit from everything we do and it just sucks when his behavior gets in the way. Now, things could go great and we will all end the day happily, but not knowing keeps me stressed before and during any type of activity or gathering and that's what I am feeling already!! AAGGHH - and as I write this he has decided to dump an entire container of baby powder in the office, the hallway and the kitchen. Why, you ask? Well, I asked him too, and this was his answer, "I just wanted to see what the floors would look like white." And there you have it........

Last night Alex was at my mom's house and was playing with a round brass disc that is on her coffee table, about the size of a quarter, while he was watching tv. He told us he threw it up in the air and it landed on his tongue and he accidentally swallowed it. What? Sometimes, and I am not trying to sound like a mean mom, but sometimes he does make things up. So, did he really do it? Well, he started grabbing his throat and saying it was stuck, so we made plans to take him to the hospital for an x-ray. That did not go over well - Alex goes into panic mode when we mention a hospital because he has had to be there so many times for surgeries.

He then told us it was gone, not in his throat anymore and that it would "go into my stomach, then my butt, then it will be gone!" Against my better judgement we waited and he really did seem fine - we had dinner, family basketball game, showers, and stories before bed - and he seemed fine.

This morning, the first thing he did was feel his throat, and when I asked him what was wrong he said, "Ah, nothing, it's gone mom." Hmmm, do I believe him and hope he passes it, or suffer through dragging him in for an x-ray? My husband just told me this morning that he started watching a show on Discovery last night which ironically enough was about kids who swallowed things and ended up needing emergency surgery or even worse, not making it. Guess I will take my chances with the hospital......

Do you ever have those days where every step of the way is a struggle with your kids? Yeah, I pretty much have one every day - anything I ask of Alex, big or small, is usually a struggle. Needed to have both girls at birthday parties tonight at 5, and couldn't get him to get in the truck with us. After finally agreeing, he stands up and tells me he went the bathroom in his pants and needed to be changed.

Get into the car and he melts down because the seat he wants to sit in is already taken (girls and a friend had been waiting!) and agrees to get in only after promising him he could pick the CD to listen to. Now he wants to pick the song too, doesn't want to buckle, then wants to buckle himself, then wants help, etc. One of the reasons I am usually late!!

Once I dropped Bella and her friend at Jump Zone, I couldn't get him to leave - he wanted to stay and jump and didn't "care what the rules are, the rules here are stupid." Soooo, I had to tell him I would bring him in tomorrow to jump during free time, knowing that there is no free time Sat. and Sun., that only birthday parties are held on the weekends. I got him out and back home, but what will tomorrow bring once he remembers ? I think I will prepare myself tonight with some snuggle time with my bubby, lots of kisses on his cute cheeks, and a couple glasses of wine.....

Happy Friday! This morning Alex closed his door (first suspicious sign) and when I entered his room, was dressed in a button down dress shirt, tie, long pants, hat and jacket. He told me he was going on a date with his friend (actually Bella's friend) Lizzie. I tried to explain that he was too young for dating, being only 10, that he needed to wait until he was a teenager, but he insisted he was old enough. "Where would you go?" I asked. "Bowling and to Chuck E. Cheese! That would be my date!" he answered. "And you can drive us, but don't stay too close when we get there, let me have my date" he added.

Great! It took me about 30 minutes to talk him out of it, at least for today. Who knows what tomorrow morning will bring!!!

Alex decided at 7 a.m. that he wanted to be a newspaper reporter. He started asking my husband and I questions to write in his newspaper, then wanted to make some phone calls. I was able to hold him off for a short bit, explaining that it was still early to call people, but he started with Auntie at work, got her voicemail, and moved on to Gramma and Papa. Next he wanted to go door to door in our neighborhood - are you kidding? I give him an A+ for creativity, but way to make enemies with your neighbors on the last few mornings to sleep in before school starts!

Alex has been going through this phase where he needs to know where I am at all times. He will be in the kitchen playing and I will be in there cleaning up and the minute he doesn't hear me it's, "mom? Mom, where are you?" I tell him I will be walking from room to room putting things away for the next few minutes and he still asks every 60 seconds, "mom, where are you?" If I don't answer quickly enough, he jumps up to go look for me - he has even darted out the front door to make sure our car was still in the driveway and that I didn't leave without him! What is that about?

I must hear "Mom where are you?" about a thousand times a day. I am wondering if he is having trouble seeing again - he has already gone thtough 9 eye surgeries - maybe that is making him uncomfortable. Or maybe I am just so fantastic that he can't bear to not be in the same room without me...(hmm, that would be nice)!

So, after packing to move this morning, Alex told me he wasn't moving out of the house, just into the family room. His reasoning? He doesn't like his bed anymore and is basically boycotting his room until we put bunk beds in there for him. Pretty smart, but pretty annoying!

It is 6:00 a.m. and Alex has decided to "move out" - which basically means he has packed up EVERYTHING in his room, things off his furniture, pictures off the walls, toothbrush, toothpaste, towels from the bathroom, all clothes hanging in the closet - you get the idea. It will probably take about 2 hours to put everything back after he decides he'll stay here with us! Never a dull moment with my bubby.......

Sunday night I realize that we are out of Alex's meds and call for a refill only to be told we need Dr. authorization. Great, seeing his first dose is supposed to be at 7:30 a.m. When I called the Dr.'s office this morning, I was told she wouldn't be in until 9ish - WHAT? She is always in at 7:30. So while Alex is going nuts, I wait for the Dr. to call. At 9 the call comes telling me I need to bring him in for a new script for the meds, but not until this afternoon.

Ok, I am usually very kind to the numerous Doctor's offices I have contact with, but today, knowing his doses are due at 7:30 and 1:30,while watching him throw play-dough around the kitchen while chasing his sisters trying to spit in their hair, I got a bit bitchy. No way was I waiting until this afternoon, I needed to be seen now! Well, be careful what you wish for......

After telling her it would take me a good 50 minutes to get there, she gave me an appt. for 40 minutes later. I took 5 minutes to get myself and the kids dressed and out the door - we were going to make it! As I am pulling down the street the "low fuel" light comes on, no time to stop for gas, just crossing our fingers. About halfway there, I remember that this is the office that no longer takes debit cards (insane, I know) and I don't have cash or checks on me. Then all 3 kids inform me that they need to go the bathroom and can't hold it, and Alex gets so annoyed he opens his window on the highway and threatens to throw his new Croc flip flops out.

Oh, I had to make a call from the road and Alex decided to write me a ticket since it is against the law to drive and talk on the phone. He shoved this in my face the rest of the day. Happy Monday.......

Bed Time

So I told Alex it was time for bed, and he put his pj's on - he wasn't happy about it, but he did it. The whole time he kept telling me he wasn't going to bed, he wasn't ready and he just wasn't getting in bed. I went to put a couple of things away and when I came back to his room (all of 3 minutes later) there was a rocking horse in front of his closed and locked bedroom door.

He popped out of Bella's room and said, "see, I told you I wasn't going to bed!" So after locking us out of his room, and putting a big horse in front of the door, he told me there was more. I picked the lock and saw that he had put all of the things from the floor in his room on top of his bed, obviously making it impossible for him to get into it. The beanbag, a guitar, books, etc. all on top of his bed.

Pretty clever, but more cleaning at the end of the day wasn't what I was looking for!